Dec 19 2008
Because I Said So
One of the more challenging issues of parenting with bipolar disorder is dealing with children when also struggling with periods of agitation. The short fuse that hangs from the mouth of people with bipolar disorder is occasionally on the verge of exploding. The irritation that can sometimes accompany mania and depression makes us say all kinds of things that we do not mean. Often, the victims of these outbursts are our children. Small children can test a person’s patience as it is but when you are bipolar even the slightest annoyances can send you over the edge.
My first piece of advice, and this goes for all parents, is to choose your battles carefully. Allowing yourself to have an outburst because your little boy has mixed up all of his playdough and is now left with a dimpled grey mass, is an example of choosing your battles poorly. A defiant child should obviously be held responsible for their actions, and then, of course, a child who has endangered himself should be dealt with promptly and firmly. When highly agitated, however, it is easy to lose control and not know when to stop; I have personally found myself screaming so loud and for so long that, when I finally calmed down, I didn’t even know what I was yelling about. Sticking to your guns will also help you in times like these. If you use time-outs with your little ones then use it every time it is necessary, and while they are in time-out, ignore them, do not let yourself get sucked into an argument with a small child- this will only make you angrier. If you take privileges away from your children, then take them- DO NOT try to reason with your child, and DO NOT make deals with your children. These are all ways to diffuse the situation before it gets out of control. If you have a partner, you should ask for help if you feel yourself losing control.
It is a good idea to explain your illness to your children once they reach the age where they are capable of understanding it: no less than six years old. And do not make excuses for your behavior because this may lead the child to believe, the next time they defy you, that it is YOUR fault and not theirs; this confuses the definition of responsibility. When explaining your illness to your children, compare it to a disease that they do understand, like diabetes or cancer; both are treatable and survivable. There will be, at times, a lot of guilt over your condition and the way that it affects your children. Keep in mind that you did not ask for this disease, yet you are responsible for your actions. And anyways, you’re not the only mom on the block who takes anti-psychotics.
